The Minimalist Way To Build A Social Circle

You have high standards for the type of people you want in your social life, right? And you’re busy, so you don’t want to waste time on people who don’t make the cut. The problem is that you don’t come across people you truly connect with very often.

Now say you want to build a social life from scratch that’s made up of five close friends. How on earth do you jump to five when you haven’t been able to find even one?

If you haven’t made any close friends in a year, for example, then on some level you’re calculating that, at this rate, it could potentially take another five years to find five close friends. Daunting.

We tend to look at “building a social life” as this huge task that requires a lot of time and effort. But not only that. It also requires luck. And when we multiply the “luck factor” by the number of friends that we want to have, it starts to feel like accomplishing the goal anytime soon is impossible.

You don’t have spare time to gamble away on a project like that, which might ultimately fail, so you put it off. You procrastinate. You don’t put in the effort. You stay at home.

Pete from Beard Strokings AvatarBut let me give you a different way to look at it.

Would making just one friend achieve your goal? Would it make the loneliness, or whatever it is that you’re feeling, go away?

In my experience it does. It’s a complete paradigm shift.

Simplify Your The Way You Think About Building Your Social Life

When you haven’t had friends for a long time, you tend to have this idea that, in order to feel connected, you need to have a GROUP of friends… when in fact, even just one good, genuine conversation can change everything.

So instead of thinking about “building your social life from scratch,” and inevitably procrastinating because it’s too hard… just go and find one person to have a good conversation with.

Because now, instead of looking at a five-year timeframe, you’re looking at something you can do today.

Ask yourself:

Where in your city are you most likely to find one person who shares your interests, and who also wants the kind of connection that you want?

Go sign up for whatever activity that might be. Just one thing. Go there repeatedly until you become familiar with one person there.

Or ask yourself:

Who is the one person I’ve already met, who I feel I could maybe build a connection with?

Go and invite that one person to grab a beer or a coffee with you and have a chat sometime. Or invite them to the activity you came up with in the question above.

Does that make the search feel easier? Achievable? Like something you can actually go and do right now, without putting it off?

Good. Go and do it.

Because people are connected. So finding just one friend can actually achieve your goal of finding five. That one person will probably have other friends with similar interests, and they’ll introduce you to those friends as well.

So it doesn’t have to take years. It could potentially happen today if you put in the effort, and focus on finding just one friend who you can truly connect with.

The only thing that will keep your social life at zero is sitting at home.

Leave a Reply

newest oldest most voted

That was a very reassuring article! I’m worried about having a social life after college, but this lays out a tangible starting point. Thanks!